Facebook Groups Are Silly

I think the only one I belong to right now is for my M.F.A. program, which is fine because keeping in touch with those folks was the reason I opened a Facebook account in the first place. Oh Greg, not only did you introduce me to the joy of two years of annotations and to the Brothers K and Annie Dillard’s (fake?) jelly frog, but also to facebook.

I owe that man so much.

That said, last night when I was trying to fall asleep I started thinking of facebook groups that maybe I could start. Here are a few of my half-asleep ideas, along with a couple added this morning:

1. I’m Never Sure What to Do With My Phonebook

2. Facebook Against Phonebooks (?)

3. Mayo is Gross Alone but Makes Sandwiches Taste Good

4. Tennesseans Who Voted for Obama (Total Members: 11)

5. Can We Start Calling Native Americans “Indians” Again and Have It Be Okay?

6. You Know What’s Fun? Roller Skating.

7. When I Was a Kid I Thought Operation Desert Storm Was the Apocalypse, but Now I Think It Was Kind of Cute.

8. I Know What a Pantoum Is

9. People Who Like Lists

10. I Am Not the Woman My Mother Hoped I’d Be

Fifty Things I Don’t Know How to Do

1. Play the trombone.
2. Breakdance.
3. Change a tire.
4. Speak Swahili.
5. Make bread.
6. Set a fox trap.
7. Fox trot.
8. Crochet.
9. Drive a stick.
10. Speak in front of people without getting nervous.
11. Braid in cornrows.
12. Build a campfire.
13. Navigate.
14. Whistle.
15. Tame a wild animal.
16. Convince my dad to quit drinking.
17. Write a grant proposal.
18. Skateboard.
19. Make a flower crown like these Russian girls I went to elementary school with.
20. Roll a joint.
21. Remember jokes.
22. Iron the right way.
23. Sing like Whitney Houston.
24. Make a Long Island Iced Tea.
25. Sign language.
26. Recall all fifty state capitals.
27. Ice sculpt.
28. Design an evening gown.
29. Not worry.
30. Freestyle rap.
31. Calculus.
32. Water witch.
33. Tell when someone’s lying.
34. Identify bird calls.
35. Fix a leak.
36. Take a leak outside w/o getting it on my shoes.
37. Any magic tricks.
38. Resolve the problem of evil.
39. Send a message in Morse code.
40. Reset a bone.
41. Blow smoke rings.
42. Ice skate.
43. Win a staring contest.
44. Play bridge.
45. Cut hair.
46. Grow orchids.
47. Tell a poisonous snake from a non-poisonous one.
48. Dress like a hipster.
49. Recite the preamble.
50. A back-handspring.