Because this bad housekeeper and her boyfriend have had no luck on the Boston job front, we have to find inventive ways to keep ourselves occupied. Morning consists of coffee, job boards, hopefully custom-tailoring and emailing resumes and cover letters.
Then lunch. Then maybe a walk, or visit to a new part of the city? Or nap, or Battlestar Gallactica DVD? Or more job obsessing? Basically whatever we can think of until our roommate comes home to keep us entertained with omelet-flipping or taped Project Runway episodes.
Tonight David stumbled upon a relationship quiz, the results of which were supposed to give us insight into our couple strengths/couple weaknesses. It turned out to be a quiz that required money for full results and because we don’t care about our relationship enough to pay for advice about it, we moved on to a series of other relationship quizzes, all equally useless, about touchy-feely topics like communication and common goals and emotional boundaries.
After a while David decided he wanted to make a cookie mix we’d bought, and while walking to the store together in the cold we came up with question #1 of our very own quiz:
Your partner has decided at 9 p.m. that he cannot live without chocolate chip cookies, but your roommate just boiled the last of the eggs. There is a store a few blocks away that carries eggs, but it is dark and cold outside. You turn toward your partner and:
A. Tell him to get off his lazy ass and get his own effing eggs.
B. Remind him that his fat ass doesn’t need any cookies.
C. Say, “We can’t afford eggs because your useless ass won’t get a job.”
D. Gladly offer to walk to the store, happy to have a few minutes away from his annoying ass.
Now he has just walked in with a plate of warm cookies, and I’m telling you, they are the most delicious-ass things I’ve eaten in my whole sorry-ass life.
